My father, the late John Wallace Brown, began working as a short-order cook during his High School years and continued working in that profession up until the time of his death on 20 November 2006, at 71 years of age. He would be promoted during his career to Kitchen Manager.
President Ezra Taft Benson
once said, “A father’s duty is to make his home a place of happiness and joy.
He cannot do this when there is bickering, quarrelling, contention, or
unrighteous behavior. The powerful effect of righteous fathers in setting an
example, disciplining and training, nurturing and loving is vital to the
spiritual welfare of his children. . .Remember your sacred calling as a father
in Israel—your most important calling in time and eternity—a calling from which
you will never be released (Ensign, November 1987, pp. 50-51).
I have often found it easier
to write about and speak of my beloved mother than my father. It is not because
I did not love and respect my father, for I did, but for several years ours was
an estranged relationship. It is partly because of that relationship that in
March 1981, at the young age of 23 years, I made the decision to leave home and
join the military. It would not be until the twilight years of my father’s life
that I would finally begin to have a more complete understanding of the man he
really was.
The last time that I visited
with my father was the weekend of my 48th birthday in October 2006.
He looked aged, tired, worn out, and troubled about many things. What I saw
before me was not the same person that I once knew. Seemingly gone from him was
the vibrancy of living. The things that he had once found pleasure in doing had
suddenly become passé to him. What I saw was a man who had run his course in
life, and was now ready to just sit down and rest awhile.
The rest that he so desired
came on Monday, 20 November 2006, at the age of 71 years. Though saddened that
he was physically gone, there was also an air of relief that he was finally at peace
and no longer had to deal with the mundane things of this world.
I shall forever be grateful
for the life lessons that he taught me. It has been those valuable life lessons
that have helped to mode and shape me into the man and the person that I am
today.
One of those valuable lessons
that my father taught me was how to be resourceful. As a young boy growing up
my family did not have a lot of money and so we often had to rely on the
resources that we had available in order to sustain life. Instead of spending a
lot of money at the grocery store for example, my father, for many years,
planted his own garden and grew fresh vegetables and other things such as
strawberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe to be used as sustenance for his
family and himself. He also enjoyed planting beautiful flower gardens for my
mother.
We did not have elaborate
banquets to feast from, or gourmet meals to eat, but there was always enough to
satisfy each hungry appetite with some left over for meals the next day. Very
early in life I became acquainted with our good friend Quaker Oats as oatmeal
for breakfast was a staple. Meat such as venison and rabbit were often given to
my father by friends who hunted and wanted to share their bounty. The chicken
that we ate often came from those who raised and bred chickens. My mother was
usually the one who had the honors of killing the “bird”, cleaning it, and
preparing it for the family meal in addition to her delicious homemade
dumplings.
My father was also
resourceful in making fun things for his children to play with such as bows and
arrows, and kites made from sticks and newspaper with a piece of cloth tied on
the end for a tail. He even used scrap materials from old toy wagons and such
to build us go-karts that my siblings and I spent hours of enjoyment playing
with.
In addition to teaching me
about how to be resourceful, my father also taught me how to be thrifty. He
taught me that it doesn’t take a lot of money to be able to survive in this world;
a person just need to know how to manage the money that he has, and realize
that he cannot put out more than he takes in. He also taught me that “robbing
Peter to pay Paul” is not a sound way of managing finances. Sooner or later you
still have to pay Peter what he is owed.
When my siblings and I were
in school we never owned name brand sneakers, expensive sports jackets, or
designer jeans. The only name brand that we were remotely familiar with was the
wonderful brand called Fruit of the Loom. Most of the shopping for our school
shoes and clothes was done at stores such as Sears, JC Penny, or McCroy’s. In
our earlier school years, a lot of our clothing was purchased at Mr. Curley’s,
a local discount clothing store. Our school supplies were purchased at
Woolworth, the local dime store or some similar place where supplies could be
bought at reasonable prices. We did not have fancy, expensive, designer
backpacks to carry our books in; we carried them in our arms. We did have lunch
boxes with a thermos inside, but very often we took our lunch in a brown paper
lunch bag. We were required to cover our textbooks to help protect and preserve
them for future use, and instead of buying fancy book covers we used the brown
shopping bags that you get from the grocery store and cut them to fit our
textbooks.
My father was a frugal man
who believed that spending money unnecessarily was utter foolishness. “A penny
saved is a penny earned” was his philosophy. That is not to say that he was a
penny pinching miser or anything of the sort for he spent money on the
necessities of life, but he also strongly believed and taught his four children
well that there is a vast difference between what we think we want and what we
really need. He would also spend extra money to take us to fun places like
Ocean City in the summer or to the fair in Harrington Delaware. He also made
sure that we got a gift on our birthday, and at Christmas there were lots of
presents under the tree for everyone.
Perhaps one of the reasons
that my father was so careful with his spending was because he came from a
humble upbringing and always worked hard all of his life to have the things
that he needed and to provide for his family. And so, another important life
lesson that my father taught me was the value of hard work. “A little hard work
never killed anyone” he would say. Throughout his life he often worked at least
two jobs to make ends meet. In the latter years of his life he worked as a
Preparatory Cook in a local restaurant during the day, and then would come home
and go to work, often until dark, in the lawn care business which he
established and became very successful in. He was definitely not a stranger to
hard work. When he laid his head on his pillow at night to rest, he could do so
knowing that he had put in an honest day of work.
Another life lesson that my
father taught me was that we can all learn new things if we have an open mind
and are willing to be taught. We often defeat ourselves in life because we
refuse to be teachable and to adventure out and try new things.
For example, my father was
very good with his hands and loved to build things. One of the things that he
built was a work shed where he could work on his projects. It started out as a
small one room work shed, but as time went on, he decided to add an addition to
house all of his tools such as shovels, rakes, hoses, lawn mowers, etc. Once
his lawn care business started to grow, he decided that he needed to expand
even more and built another addition to house his lawn equipment and supplies.
I might add that all of this was done by building from the ground up – nothing
was prefabricated. He also ran all of the electric himself and installed all of
the lighting, light switches, and electrical outlets that were necessary. I
might further add that the lawn care business that he maintained was completely
established by him, and he worked diligently to obtain his customers and
faithfully served them until the time of his death. He did not take any
expensive courses in carpentry or electrical installation. He did not major in
Business Administration at a major university. He simply used the knowledge
that he had obtained by watching others and put that knowledge to practical
use. He was able to accomplish many of the things that he did because he was
teachable and willing to venture out and used what he had learned in order to
have the things that he needed.
The acronym that I use to
help me remember the life lessons that my father taught me is “Remember The Home Team” (R.T.H.T.) That is, (1)
resourceful – learn to use the things that you already have at your disposal,
(2) thrifty – learn to separate your wants from your needs and be a wise
steward over the funds that you have, (3) hard working – be able to lay your head
on your pillow at night and rest knowing that you did not waste the day that
the Lord had given you, but that you were a wise steward of time, and you
seized the day and did an honest day of work, and (4) teachable – have an open
mind and be willing to learn and try new things.
The valuable life lessons
that my father taught me are not only lessons that I remember, but lessons that
I will not soon forget. My father was a great teacher and mentor. I only pray
that I was as good a student as I should have been to learn and apply the
valuable lessons that he taught me.
